Smile again: the scoop on varicose vein stripping (3)

• I love all the traffic on the varicose vein posts here and here. Any other operations you'd like to see featured? :-) But seriously, I'd love to hear your comments. Was the information useful? Anything missing? Let me know!
• I realized that some of you might want to know why I chose the stripping method, which a lot of sites call "old-fashioned" (or words to that effect). I had the choice of getting the veins stripped or getting them lasered. At first I thought the laser treatment would be better, less invasive etc. But two things made me decide to get them stripped.

The area around the veins would have to be numbed before the laser treatment. That involves putting a thing all the way through the veins and inching it back, injecting anesthetic fluid every so often. According to the surgeon that would be about 10-15 injections. Per leg. This did not sound attractive to me at all. I've had anesthetic injections before and they aren't fun.

Since the veins have to collapse and heal, I would have had to wear compression stockings for six weeks. This wasn't necessary with the stripping method. Apparently there are studies suggesting that six weeks after stripping, there's not any (or much) difference between patients who wore compression stockings and patients who didn't.

The scoop on varicose vein stripping (2)

• So I got a whole lotta traffic on the varicose vein post. Made me smile. I'm also one of those people that searches the whole web for pictures and descriptions of any procedure I may undergo, any product I'm thinking of buying, so I get it. I'll bet y'all are begging for more.
  Here's a pic of my right leg, four weeks and a few days after the stripping.

• Please don't think my leg is actually this exact shape. :-) It wasn't easy to get the leg in the right position and take a picture with my other hand, while not being able to see the little camera screen. Also, I have very pale skin. I just do. So any marks look more intense in the photo than they do in real life.
  Anyhoo. As you can see there are several little scars in various stages of healing. A couple of them are already healed; I remember I had nine little incisions and two of them don't even show on the pic. So these little scars are gradually fading and I don't think there will really be anything to see after a while.
  You can also see a few spider veins I can have treated at some point. Too bad I didn't think to take a "before" pic so you could see the difference. There was a big vein lump right around those spider veins, for example, and a couple big ones halfway down my calf. All gone now!
  In the first post about the operation I mentioned having a reaction to the dissolvable stitches, but that turned out to be just some fluid that collected there; apparently that's normal. (And it's gone now.)
  
• I don't think about the operation during a typical day, because I'm not reminded of it anymore. I don't feel bruising or tightness, and I can do everything I'd normally do. Isn't that great?
• Information about how I made the decision to have the stripping here.

Ahhh. What a relief!

• I ended a relationship today. (Not the one I wrote about in my previous post.) This wasn't a virulent relationship like the one with my family member, but it had been eating at me for some time. There were no fights during the almost three years we knew each other, and a lot of good things. I learned important things from this person and for those things I will always be grateful.
  But at some point in the last year or so the relationship ran out of steam. It happens. That doesn't necessarily mean anyone's at fault; sometimes you've just said everything you can say to each other. Our mistake was not recognizing that. There were hints both ways, but neither of us took the initiative of saying it was time to move on. The result was a really draggy year in which we didn't look forward to seeing each other, but hoped that we would enjoy it sometime again.
  That didn't happen. We saw each other for the last time several weeks ago, we agreed that that would be the last time, and that seemed to be fine. But today some unspoken feelings reared their heads, and the relationship saw its only above-board confrontation. I said what was on my mind; the other person did the same. It wasn't fun, but it needed to happen. 
• In retrospect we both could have avoided the final confrontation by speaking out earlier in the relationship. We had understandable reasons for not doing so, but it meant that we spent a year ignoring the elephant in the room. Everyone's done that. It's perfectly human and we'll all do it again sometime. The problem is, it costs a lot of energy, energy we can use positively. That in itself is a reason to speak up.
  The other reason is perhaps more subtle. It's actually a social lie to keep a relationship going that's not benefiting the people in it. Again, that's something we all do sometimes. And sometimes it's useful in other ways, for example, if you desperately need a job at the moment and you consciously decide to "deal with it" in order to keep the job. But there's something poisoning about it, especially in a personal relationship. Being honest with one's self and with another person is an expression of a "lovingkindness" we need to cultivate.
• That being said, the final confrontation between me and the other person was actually a relief. It was crystal clear that we disagreed on some key points and would not agree on them again. That's the "closure" we all keep hearing about, and I've got to say, it feels great. Light. With freed-up energy. I'm happy. It's a good feeling.

It's his problem, not mine. But where does that get me?

• I just read (and commented on) a great post by Peter Bregman on the limitations of trying to communicate in difficult interpersonal situations (my words). As I understand it, the gist of his post is that there are limits to what you can accomplish using communication. His example was that of a friend who disappointed him and then became angry when he called him on it in a reasonable manner. His (probably wise) conclusion is that it's sometimes better just to accept that the other person is the way he/she is, and that you won't always be able to change their behavior by talking to them. 
• As I mentioned in my comment, theoretically (and practically, for the most part), I agree. I definitely agree if I let my closet Buddhist alter-ego speak. :-) I can change myself but not others. But does that mean I have to accept every kind of behavior from someone else?
• Case in point is a family member of mine. I'll call him Fred. Our relationship (we've known each other since we were babies) has always been up and down. Even the fun moments were tinted with a kind of uneasiness, because the mood could change in a snap. I essentially moved to another state at 17 to go to college, and since that time we haven't had constant contact. We do have sporadic e-mail contact, though, because we're both involved in keeping an eye on a third family member. My experience with Fred is that he has a very short fuse. He takes offense easily. His response is to lash out verbally. (And I'm definitely doing the understatement thing here.) His words are chosen to be sarcastic and hurtful. I've even had him on an e-mail filter so I wouldn't be confronted with his negativity.
  (I should add that my relationship with his wife is fine.)
• A few years ago I tried the "modern" approach. I did not attack him for "being" a certain way; I told him how his abuse made me feel. His response was that he didn't give a s**t how I felt. About a year after that there was an almost identical situation. I told him again how I felt, said that I understood that he was having a rough time (he was, at that point), but that I would appreciate it if he would answer mails in a way that wouldn't discourage "people" (me) from having a conversation with him. Again, he didn't give a s**t.
• I can think of a lot of reasons he might be this way. He might be jealous of me. He might have a lot on his plate (he does). He might be afraid he's not going to measure up and is putting on his he-man suit. I have sympathy for all these things, if only because I've felt them myself. 
• But in this situation it just doesn't do enough for me to realize the problem is his, even if I'm convinced of it (which I am). I do have to deal with him, and I hate the way he treats me. How to deal with that gap? I'm following the comments on Bregman's article, but would love to hear from readers here. How do you deal with similar situations?

The scoop on varicose vein stripping (1)

• For those of you interested in the whole experience, here's the deal. I went in early (7:30 a.m.), nil by mouth, for the op. Luckily Man could come with me, so that was great. Kind of compensated for the lack of coffee. Blood pressure was checked and I got a bed and a hospital gown. To my surprise, I was allowed to keep my cell phone, which was a lot more convenient than having nurses call people later.
  Around 9:00 the nurse got the call that she could bring me to the OR. Man was allowed to walk part of the way, then we said goodbye and I got wheeled on to the OR. Bed transfer, check of who I was and what I was there for, and got wheeled in. It just kind of flowed over me. I let it happen.
  Veins were drawn on, I got an IV and got put on the heart and blood pressure monitors. Anesthesiologist whipped in, injected some Dormicum, and I sat up to get the epidural. Actually, I think it was a spinal. It was only one injection and there wasn't a catheter. It worked quickly; I could feel my legs getting warm within 30 seconds or so. Got laid back down and they draped the scene. Legs were then numb and I couldn't move them.
  At that point it would take a little more than an hour to do both legs. (I later heard that this surgeon likes to work fast. Also, he had an assistant.) I couldn't see the area directly because of the drape (and didn't want to), but I could look into the OR lamps and vaguely (no contacts in) see what they were doing. The nurse anesthetist was great; she was fun to talk to and at one point she asked whether I wanted to see one of the blood vessels. I said OK and she came back with a clamp with a kind of worm on it with some branchlike vessels. Unfortunately, that was right when my blood pressure started to drop, so I felt like a wuss when I said, "actually I'm not feeling too well." (Turns out that this is pretty normal and is related to either the spinal or tension, or both.) She wasn't worried at all, injected something into the IV and I felt better within a couple of minutes.
  Felt a lot of movement and looked down to see my own feet on the shoulders of a couple of nurses. Really weird. They were putting on the compression bandage. More on that later....
  Got wheeled into the recovery room and was totally bored there because I was awake and not feeling ill, but they keep you there until you can start to move something below the waist. I expected the toes, but in my case it was the stomach muscles. The toes turned out to be the very last things I could move. One of the nurses put on jazz radio for me, which was pretty cool!
  After about an hour, when I could move the stomach muscles, I got picked up and wheeled back to the room. At that point I was allowed to eat and drink (woohoo!) and just had to wait until I could stand up. That took about three hours total from the time I left the OR. Spent the time texting everyone, having some lunch, and napping.
  At about 3:30 p.m. I could stand up, a bit shaky, so I was allowed to call my friend and Man to come and pick me up. (Man doesn't drive, so a friend picked him up and waited while he got me out of the room.) 
• Recovery: well, this is what I looked like when I came home:

• And why does it look so weird there on the thighs? Well, apparently I got the trainee bandagers there in the OR. The whole thing started to slide south as soon as I got out of the car to walk into the house. I pulled it up and around and secured it as well as I could with sport tape, but sheesh. I'm an amateur, but I'd think compression bandages are supposed to compress. Which means they should stay on. Correct me if I'm wrong.
  
  
• By the next morning it looked like this, and the whole foot part was loose. I almost tripped over it.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  So I cut the foot part off; I was allowed to remove the bandages later anyway.
• And the further recovery. Well, the first few days you walk around like you're wearing a full diaper. And you are supposed to either walk or put your feet up (as little standing as possible). The pain is controllable with Tylenol/paracetamol. Actually, most of the pain is from the bruises, not really from incisions. (I had the two larger groin incisions, 9 little ones on the right leg, and one little one on the left one.) Now, 10 days later, I'm doing most normal things, but still putting my feet up often and not doing heavy lifting. Have an appointment with the surgeon two weeks after the operation. I notice I'm having some kind of reaction to the dissolvable stitches in the groin, but it looks like that's going OK.
• Any questions? Feel free!

You can find the 4-week update here.

For the three people who haven't seen it yet...

• I have fallen in love with this dog. Just look at him! It's another creation by Andrew Grantham, the talking animals guy.

A quiet weekend and app review

•  Happy Mother's Day to everyone celebrating it! Was pleased that Mom liked the presents I sent: a necklace of beach glass, and two framed photos: one of me and Man and one of me and Border Collie. I live too far away to go and take her to lunch or dinner, as I'd really like to do.
• I've had a more or less quiet weekend, resting up a bit for the operation day after tomorrow (varicose veins, sigh). I've never had an epidural before. And I hope the recovery time won't be too long.
• I discovered two apps I've been enjoying using. One is "Perfect Diet Tracker". I actually haven't found anything in the program I'm disappointed with. You can select a type of diet ("diet" in the broadest sense), work with targets, enter your personal data (height, weight, activity level etc.) and, of course, all food items at each meal. As for the food items, there's apparently a large database, but the fantastic thing is that the program does an internet search if the food item you want isn't in the database. And if that doesn't work, you can enter and save the information yourself, using information on the product itself, for example. And there are automatic graphs and charts to play with. You can enter exercise, too, but I haven't worked with that yet because I want to concentrate on the food aspect. The interface is pleasing, modern, just right.
• The other app is equally fantastic, but fantastic in its simplicity. It's called "DrinkMoreWater". It's a simple interface, just a screen with eight glasses on it and buttons below for 1 small glass, 1 large glass, and two sizes of water bottles (you can use milliliters or ounces). You click on the appropriate button when you've had a drink, and you're rewarded with a nice gurgling sound. :-) You get applause when you've reached 8 glasses (and anything above 8 glasses). A convenient detail is that the icon in the toolbar shows how many glasses you've got left to reach 8 for the day.
• If you get motivated by charts, graphs, lists, and general geekiness you might want to give these a try!